i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
