Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
