EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
