I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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