$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
