He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
