I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
