How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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