No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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