this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
