My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
