i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
