I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
