Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
