Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
