Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
not ubering you a puppy
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