mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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