I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
