Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
