bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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