My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
