And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
