you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
