i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
