"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
