just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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