well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
