hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
