i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
