Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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