I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
