the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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