dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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