I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
