I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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