I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
