So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
