I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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