wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
