why didn't you poke me back
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
