i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm bleeding and have questions
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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