Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
