worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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