so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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