I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need a beard to bite.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
