I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
