I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
