my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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