I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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