He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
