Quick, to the slutcave!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
