"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
