Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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