Its about making memories worth repressing
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
