i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
