i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
