VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
