Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
