He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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