i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
