Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
