i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
