I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
