You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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