Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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