could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
