So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
