we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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