why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
