Plan B is the new Plan A
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
