my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need moral support for this bender
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
