he referred to my room as the tit cave...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
