Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
