I seem to have left my pride at pride
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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