cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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